Just call me "Mrs. Bias"

I know it could be just that I'm her mommy, but I'm pretty sure my daughter is the cutest, smartest, most awesomest person in the world. She just makes me laugh and smile constantly. I'm PMS'ing but she finds a way to get my out of my crankiness. Today she said "done" when she finished eating. We have been watching Word World and she's just dancing away and fringe to say words they are spelling...or just figure it out LOL. She's the greatest! Can't believe 12 days she will be 1.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Smart Cookie...

2 weeks from today my sweet ladybug will be 1 year old. She already has so much personality and is so smart. She blows kisses, makes Indian sounds, dances to music, waves when you're leaving, say bye bye, hello, or night night, she claps when you say yay or she is proud of something, loves being chased, and knows the concept of talking on the phone. I'm almost positive I'm forgetting things, but those are impressive things for a baby to know already. I can't believe how smart she is, how fast she pcis things up. She's still such a happy girl which makes for a happy momma. She doesn't say many actual words yet but she tries. So far she says up, momma, daddy, hi, bye, and today she tried to say love you. I really need to watch my language, now more than ever...LOL. So anyway, that's the news.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Just for Fun...

Name- Kylie Paige Griswold
Dob- May 8th, 2010
Time- 5:47 pm
Weight- 7 lbs 11 oz.
Length- 20"
Labor- 37 hrs. I think...LOL...maybe longer...every second worth it!
Length of Pregnancy- 40 weeks 2 days

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Over & over...Again & again...

Sadly, I don't blog much anymore. Just simply don't have the time. I am one busy momma! This is like a broken record...no? Lol! I find myself saying this all the time, but its just so true.

My daughter is about to turn 1 and I'm so excited and planning her birthday party. Its a big deal to me. She is perfect. Keeps me laughing and smiling almost all the time. Its like making up for the emotional days back in the beginning.

I just read a blog about how depression feels like it takes over your life after having a baby. How you feel so down about yourself, and you wish your husband and daughter could have the mother/wife they deserve. Well, I'm living proof , it does get better. It doesn't get perfect...there are always those days when you just feel like crap. I no longer take mood stabilizers...my husband thinks I should still be on them sometimes, but one thing he needs to understand, I am still a woman...I stress like I always have, I get frustrated and overwhelmed...I'm a mother and a wife...I raise our daughter and care for our home. I am always on the go. Its a struggle to juggle all my mothering and wife responsibilities on top of my bow business. I don't get breaks. Its the life I chose, and I love every moment of it, but it can get overwhelming. I need help at times. There have been times when I feel my husband doesn't show the affection I need, there are many times I find myself repeating how I need him to help out a little more. When I say, "Please rinse out the bottles." I really mean, Damn it, stop leaving the bottles on the counter with milk in them getting smelly and nasty for me to clean because your too freakin' lazy to take it apart and rinse it out. I don't want to hear, "Babe, you do it to." Because until you're the one doing the dishes...you don't get to say that to me. If I leave messes, I'm the one who cleans anyway, I'm not going to complain to myself about it...but if he does...well hell yeah I reserve the right to bitch about it. He doesn't clean. Used to...but things have changed over time. My husband is still the most wonderful man in my life. I will love him till the day I die. But I tell you what...he can drive me nuts sometimes. Lol! I feel guilty saying that he should help out, because of him, I can be a home maker. It is my job to clean, cook, and take care of Kylie. But at the same time, his job is 4 days a week, 10 hour shifts. My job is 7 days week, 24 hour shifts. I cant always be expected to go go go.

There are always room for improvements. My husband and I are working on some improving in our relationship. Its not easy to change the things you don't like about yourself, and its not easy to change the things someone doesn't like about you but you don't see any problems with.

Matthew jokes...its just what he does. I know he really doesn't mean any harm, but common sense is key. If I'm not having a good day...joking and being a smart ass is probably the last thing you should do. Its only going to piss me off. If I'm feeling down about myself, say something sweet, kiss me, hug me, or just simply hold me...don't make jokes that make me feel stupid. I know Matthew cant read my mind, but he has made it very clear that I am blunt and wear my emotions on my sleeve...well, then you should know exactly what I am thinking...therefore, use that wonderful common sense I know you have in there, and do something nice, not something stupid. If I say I feel like an idiot, say, "Baby, you are not an idiot, I love you, you are smart" Lie if you have too...I dont care, if you want me to smile and get out of my poo pants kinda mood, say what you know I wanna hear. If I say, I really need to do dishes and laundry, but my back is killing me, you have two options that would totally rock my world (by the way ladies, I have actually told him to do this...see what I mean by I'm blunt...there is no reading my mind...just remember what works) back and foot rub or do either dishes or laundry. TaDa! Who knew...simple things like that could turn a frown upside down in the blink of an eye?! Lol! I don't need pills...I need love and support. I am grateful to have what I have...I know it and say it everyday...I just wish I felt appreciated in return. I have few friends...in fact, I have practically given up on friends. No offense to those who are friends, but how often do we hang out? When is the last time we talked? Yes, I am a needy person. I need girl time...I need to hang out to be friends. I'm beginning to believe its me. I'm just not friend material. I am too difficult, and my standards are too high. Two things I hope my daughter doesn't get from me. I want her to be able to make friends and keep them. I don't want her to have low self esteem. I read on Facebook wall to wall conversations between best friends...and I am envious. I wish I had what they have. But, I have flakey people in my life, I am always being told that we will go to the park, take walks, coffee dates...never happens. :o( And I used to be the one to send a reminder, but why should I give 100% to someone and they can pick me up and set me down when its convienent for them? Shouldnt it be a fair 50/50? Thats why I think its me. Maybe Im too aggressive...maybe I try too hard...maybe Im intimidating...I dont know, but I wish I was different.

Anyway, I really need to get back to work...just thought I would put some honest thoughts on my blog. Feel free to comment, tell me if you agree or disagree...Id love a little conversation in my life right about now. Lol.

reality struck...

So, I realised today just how big my daughter has gotten. I remember how simple it was to go on long trips and be able to change her diaper in my lap in the car...then it was on the backseat in the car....now, she's just simply too big for that. LOL. Her little noggin was practically infer the carseat while her little tooshy was hanging half off the seat with her feet on my legs. She is tall enough to reach the counter top in the bathroom (this is not a good thing by the way *wink*). I just don't know what happened. I woke up one morning and "TaDa!" She got so big. She's wonderful. More personality shows everyday. I love her. She's been quite the snuggled bug lately. I didn't get a whole lot of that when she was younger because she was just so busy, didnt want to be confined. So of course I'm eating it all up...cuddling every chance I get. We went to Bakersfield today for some birthday party supply shopping. Just me and Kylie. We had a blast. Lunch with Jenny. It was the first time Jen met Kylie. I had no idea. :( She loved her. But then again, who doesnt? ;)

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5