....well....

To be perfectly honest, I dont know where to start. There has been so much going on that I cant even begin to write about all the milestones Kylie is hitting.

She is becoming more and more like a toddler and less and less like my little baby. She drinks out of the cup that is in her bathtub. I use it to rinse her hair out, and then let her play with it...without even showing her, she began filling it with water, and drinking from it like a big girl. I was in awe. I just couldnt believe how quickly she picked it up. I wish she would use her sippy cup like that, but instead, she bites it and then throws it down. Apparently its not that facinating. She has been quite the butt head lately though. Most moms say things like, "Oh, my baby is so wonderful..." Yes, my daughter is wonderful, but truth be told, she has picked up quite the attitude. She acts like she doesnt hear me when she is getting into something she isnt supposed to...oh my...I could go for days telling you how she has been acting the past couple weeks...but I will spare you and just say, Im looking forward to her actually understanding what discipline means. Honestly, I dont know how to discipline her at this age. I tell her no (frequently) when she refuses to listen to no or get down or get out of there *laughing* I spank her hands. Sometimes she cries, sometimes she smiles or laughs. I cant help but smile inside because she too adorable, however, I cant let her know that its cute because it wont be cute for too long, and Id really like her to stop being a brat. She screams...OH MY GOD how she screams. Her cries sometimes make me want to crawl into a hole and die. Of course I love her and would never leave or hurt her, but there are days when I simply dont know what to do. Sadly, I dont have friends that I can hang out with or talk to anymore. Something happened, and my "friend" just kinda stopped being a friend. So, I stay home (without my car) all day long with my baby girl who also has cabin fever...the weather has been windy and cold (yup, good 'ol Ridgecrest, Spring weather during the Winter, Winter weather during the Spring...gotta love it) so walks have been rare. I really wish that I had a friend who understood and I could talk to...but one of my good friends just doesnt. She wont complain, so when I complain, I feel like a whinner...I feel more horrible than I did before. She gives me advice or simply says things like, "it will get better." Thats not what Im looking for...Im looking for someone to vent to me too...I want someone to tell me that its completely normal to feel like your going to lose your mind...that being a mother isnt easy. I want someone who doesnt act like their life is perfect. No life is perfect. I think my daughter and husband are perfect to me...but they arent perfect...neither am I. So when my daughter is making me cry and scream, its normal to need to vent...when my husband drives me crazy because he isnt listening or saying the right things...its okay to be mad at him. Thats what real life is like. But, why dont others say things like that? Why do I feel like Im the only realistic person here? I have a friend who lives in Texas...she is like me, and she understands...but she is so far away...so we can do coffee dates...we cant take our little ones to the park together. I dont find myself depressed, but I am a little lonely. My bow making is a great hobby, but late at night is usually the only chance I have to make any. Kylie keeps me running...she is in constant need of my attention...but daddy...nope, he doesnt have to pay attention to her every waking moment...he can play his game or watch a movie and she will play contently by herself. I think she hates me sometimes. Well, as much as I need to get off my chest...the Monster is awake, so I have to go...But understand, I love my life...I do know whats important and I wouldnt change a thing.